I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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