Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
