I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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