really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
