I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
