And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
