Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
