i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
