An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
