I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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