I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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