I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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