i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
