And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
