i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
