Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
