His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
