i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
