A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
