mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
