She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
