I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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