just come out here and I will go home with you...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
