This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
