just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
and you fell through a lawn chair
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
