I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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