chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
