Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
