Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
