I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
