I'm drive I can fine osifer
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
