Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
