There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
this hospital has no fireball
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
