Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
