So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
