so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
