The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
