apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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