fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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