i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
