the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
