I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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