Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
