He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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