I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
