allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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