i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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