My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
