Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
