haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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